Very Young for Love

by Monica Katherine Juezan*

I had this funny and at the same time sad encounter with my 12-year old cousin yesterday. The funny thing is that she told me about a boy who is sending her love notes. I saw sparkle in her eyes everytime she mentioned the boy’s name. She reminded me not to tell her father because we both know how strict her father is.

The sad thing is the realization that she is not a baby anymore. My siblings and I used to be her “nannies”. We taught her how to utter the words and the ABC. There was one time that we asked our Uncle if it is okay to adopt her. That was how our cousin enchanted us.

Time flies really fast. We really don’t notice the changes that surround us. Once we noticed it, sometimes it is too late. It is really hard to accept the fact that children who are very dear to us grow at a very fast rate. Moving into adolescence brings about countless changes in them. Physical changes are the first and most obvious ones that we notice.

When my cousin was five, she would always bring her dolls every time they visit us. Now that she’s an adolescent, she would never forget to bring her cellphone, powder and comb.

My room is our place for chatting. I was so shocked when she asked me how it feels to be courted and admired by a guy. Again, I reminded myself that she is a teen. I also remember asking the same question to my elder cousin when I was about her age.

Adolescents become more peer-oriented and more likely to question adult authority. Sexual attractions awake during adolescence. Boys begin to notice girls. Girls tend to have crushes and keep secrets. To observe admirable qualities and characteristics in the opposite sex is a part of growing up.

As her protective Ate, I do not want to let her have an exclusive relationship with a guy. She is too young for that. She knows that too and she promised me that she would not accept suitors until she graduates from college. What a relief! But I encouraged her to develop appropriate social skills. I know that keeping her away from peers will delay her social commitment.

I also reminded her that her primary concern should be her studies. She should have it in her heart and mind that education comes first before a relationship. It is normal to love and be loved but to go into a relationship for the experiences especially in her age can bring into devastating effects.

I also told her that decision to enter a relationship involves the mutual choice of two matured persons. I also encouraged her to share her secrets because I am going quietly to what she has to say. I promised to myself not to react negatively as this will let her perceive that she is not trusted.

Adolescents are very curious when it comes to love and attraction. They are very eager to learn new things and ideas. Adolescence provides the exciting opportunity of fresh relationships. It is a time of discovering and learning from mistakes. I even told her that when I was thirteen, I was also excited of the thrill, of new emotions and the joys. I also thought of heartaches, rejections and pains.

Then she asked me, “Does heartache help us?” I paused for a while and said: heartache will help you to become strong and to be prepared in the next stage of your life.

I am not against into having a relationship at a young age. I just want my cousin to know her priorities. I am looking forward that she would tell me her heartaches and joys but not to soon. How I wish that she would have a bf 10 years from now.