"Missing Her"

by Rose Marie Jumawan

In this crazy big world of studying mass communication, it's a fact that you can't find a true friend in just one click. If a person is so good to you doesn't mean she/he is a true friend. Don't give 100% of your trust to anyone, remember to leave at least 60% to yourself. Our world is full of competition. Not just in a academic field but also in other matters that concerns you and the people around you. What I'm saying is just a reminder. Because I myself is a victim of me having a soft heart.
I've known this friend of mine for almost 4 years. We have a lot of things in common. We shared laughter's and tears and give advices to each other if we feel like losing our track in many ways. Though I am not that vocal, I considered her as my best friend. I shared everything to her, even things I kept from my family. We acted as if we are sisters..She's so good to me..I mean, she's the best. But not until I found out the betrayal she did to me.
My initial reaction upon knowing every details of it was “stunned”. She kept on talking but I could hardly hear what she's saying. I kept on telling my self that “no!this isn't happening...Not her..God please wake me up.”.
Days passed, and I already absorbed everything. I felt the pain and began to hate her. I was overwhelmed by the pain that I'm feeling that I started to cursed her. How I wished that I never met her. She's a traitor..Self centered and greedy.
She wanted to talk to me but I refused. Because every time I saw her reminds me of the betrayal she did. And I swear to God that I will never forgive her.
I know that it's not clear to her that the reason of this pain is not because it involves a “guy”. I don't give a damn about that guy but the issue was her loyalty as my friend.
And now, it's been a while since that incident. I can still feel the pain whenever I saw her walking on the hallway with her other friends. But, I am not sure if the pain that I am now feeling is the same pain I felt before. It's as if my heart is aching not because of what she did but because of the friendship we had that has gone to waste.
I missed her company. I missed her so much that I want to give her a big tight hug. I'm now ready to forgive her but I'm sure that the memory of the betrayal she did will haunt me..FOREVER.

I understand that human as we are, we commit mistakes. In 20 years of living my life, I can't deny that I've done terrible mistakes that caused so much pain to somebody. And I did all the things I can just to asked forgiveness. That's why I understand her.
We could still be friends again. But I'm afraid I could not give her the trust I gave her before. I don't know if we could renew our friendship. I'm sure everything will changed.

I've learned my lesson on trusting someone so much..And I thanked her for that.
I missed you tabz!